I haven’t introduced myself on here yet!
Well HELLO! My name is Lourdes (aka Lady L) and I am a Mom first and everything else second. I love my Mama’s good ol’ Sri Lankan cooking, Indian food, RAMEN, sushi …ok who am I kidding, I LOVE FOOD. Period. One of my favorite desserts (besides anything my Mama makes), is mango sticky rice. Yummmmmmmm,
In my spare time (which I’ve recently started to force myself to have), I love to crochet. write poetry, binge watch Netflix (just finished “The Bodyguard” series which I mainly watched for that sexy English accent), daydream, and take beautiful walks/drives. I’m actually working on crocheting a blanket for the upcoming birth of my niece or nephew. SO EXCITED! More so excited that my wonderful parents get to love on their 3rd grandchild.
I was born in Nigeria, Africa. When I was two, my parents and big brother moved back to my homeland, Sri Lanka. And then when I was six, we moved to Toronto, Canada which was home to me (emotionally still is) for 23 years. I now live in the US and let me tell you, it’s been one heck of a wild adventure! I also have a little sister whom I love so much and has been such a light in raising my kiddos. Nothing like siblings that drive you crazy – jk, well not really, ok jk because they are probably reading this.
I’ve always had a passionate, overly ambitious mind and heart (thanks Daddy for that!) so my mind does NOT stop. I would one day love to work more on the passionate (humanitarian) side of me when my kids are older. For now, I work remotely for an amazing company in Toronto (owned by my Daddy), and I work on other projects that keep my mompreneur juices flowing.
If you’ve been following me for some time, you’ll know that mental health matters so much to me. You see, it wasn’t until I had my kiddos, that I realized I’ve had depression throughout my adult hood. Perhaps it was the choices I made. Perhaps it was the lack of “leaps” that I took back then. Anyhow, I had it. Real bad. But it was masked until I had my first child.
I never thought I would love and regret someone so beautiful that came out of my body. Regret? Yes, that was the first sign. Postpartum depression was running through my veins like a horror movie but yet, I tried to mask it. It was a very difficult 2 years before my son arrived. And then it just got worse.
Here’s the thing, I LOVE and adore my children. And believe me, there is no regret. I can say this with absolute clarity. I have several “mom” moments but my children will always be the ones who made mom/me better.
I went on meds when my son was born because it got so bad. I also went back home so my family can help with the kiddos. As I tapered onto the meds, I had severe suicidal ideation. Like I was just “done”. After I got through the 6 weeks of getting on the meds, it seemed I was “getting better” but I did not “feel better.” All my emotions were blocked. I was caged. Of course, they say that drugs are hit and miss for some. And I understand that.
But it was about 11 months later that I decided to get off of it. Tapering off was a nightmare also but it lasted about a week or so and ALL my emotions were just flooding my soul. It was nice. TO RELEASE. To love again. But I was going at a speed of 400 km/hr because I was playing catch up trying to get my life back from lost time.
So I spent the next 2 years working on myself. Figuring out “who I was” as a Mom and as a woman. I’m a work in progress. But one thing is for sure, I won’t give up. I can’t. It’s embedded in me to keep fighting. I haven’t had the bouts of depression and anxiety as I have for several years and that has a lot to do with the mind work that I do daily. And when I don’t, I feel off. And please don’t misunderstand, I still get upset and go through the emotions of having to be a full time Mom who works on her ambitions. It’s challenging. And I know they need me right now. And hopefully as a result, I’ve sent out good human beings to create ripple effects of change in this world.
If any of what I wrote resides with you, just know that you were put on this earth for a beautiful purpose. And its your job to figure out what that is. The world needs YOU. You matter more than you know.
I leave you with this, surround yourself with people who truly love and accept you the way that you are. If it wasn’t for my family, my strong friendships (some over 20 years in Toronto!!!), and my faith to keep going no matter what my beliefs are currently – I don’t know where I would be to be honest. When I do look at old photos of me and my precious babies, I know that there were many times where that could have been the very last photo I took with them. So when I look at these photos now, I am thankful that I did not stop fighting for my life. I would have missed SO much.
Thank YOU for being here.